All this playing-a-fool, playing-around, not-going-home-time is over.
Probably I've never thought of all this stuffs, but what 'he' told me was true.
I'd never thought of proving to everyone that looked down on me that I can do it.
Until now, everyone's giving up on me. Even mummy.):
I don't want all this, I wanna prove to mummy especially that I can do it.
Everything that she thinks I can't do. I will prove it, just wait and see.

I didn't attend school for the rest of the days other then tuesday.
Because I wasn't home. I didn't go home for the rest of the days till just now.
I just came home in the morning.
I've did so much sins, but mummy still chose to forgive me.
But why? it's because mums' love their own children.
And I love her too.
I'm sorry for hurting you mummy, I didn't mean it.
I didn't understand what's your intention of lecturing me almost everyday.
But now I finally understood, you wanted me to be good.
You wanted me to prove to everyone, even that asshole to see that I can do even better.
I'll prove, and I swear. Everyone just wait and see^^

Days been fine, sleeping over at Kakak's place.
But I still think about mummy. Still couldn't make myself to stay out of her anymore.
She needs me, so do I. I need her with there for me.
I do have friends, but friends who weren't sincere in everything they said.
I do have friends, but friends who chose to lie to me in order to get what they want.
Are all these friends? 'Friends' perhaps.
She's looking for me. Cos she didn't know what she did, and she didn't know that I found out.
It was too much to take.
Now I realise why do people keep leaving your life. Your bestfriend and so on.
It's because of your attitude, and that mouth of yours.
You can't shut em, and definitely you love to lie.
You love to be selfish, keeping everything you want to yourself.
C'mon, it's not gonna last man baby. You've to think about it.
Hope you get to read this yah. And you'll know why I kept avoiding you for these days.
I no longer give you hugs and pecks on the cheeks.
Cos I realise it's no longer needed.(':

Life's so fucked up. I wanna change it.
I've thought of drowning myself.
I've thought of jumping down.
I've all these suicide thinking.
But it's my fault that things go this way.
So I've to change it. And I will.